FAITH IN THE COMMUNITY: A privilege to be alongside those dealing with bereavement
By the Rev Jo-Anne Newton, assistant curate, Holy Trinity with St Columba, Fareham
Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the privilege of helping to lead a group at our church for bereaved people. Although every person came with a different story, they all had someone they loved missing from their lives.
The pain of losing someone close to us is often hard to live with. We may feel sad, angry, lonely or guilty. Sometimes we are completely overwhelmed; at other times we find ourselves laughing as we remember a happy time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
We took them through a six-week programme called The Bereavement Journey, which is for anyone who has been bereaved, whatever their faith or none.
Each week looks at a different aspect of loss and, if people wish, they can share their own experience. There is no pressure to talk. Nobody needs to have the right words.
As the weeks have gone by, I've seen how much it helps simply to sit with people who understand. It can be a real comfort hearing someone describe a feeling we've had ourselves.
I've been surprised by how often people say, "I didn't realise other people felt this way!" That’s one of the gifts of listening to the experience of others and sharing our journey in a small group.
Many of us are unsure what to say to a bereaved person. We worry about reminding them of their loss or saying the wrong thing. But we don't need perfect words. Asking how someone is feeling – listening, and letting them talk about the person they've lost – can mean a great deal.
As an Anna Chaplain, working alongside older people, I see this often. Loneliness can be one of the hardest parts of bereavement, especially once the funeral is over and everyone seems to have returned to normal life.
That’s why our churches have such an important part to play. None of us can take away another person's pain, but we can be there. We can listen, and give someone space to remember.
I find it encouraging that Jesus understood suffering. He never hurried those who were hurting or offered easy answers. He listened, showed compassion and brought hope. An optional seventh session of the Bereavement Journey explores that hope and promise that this life is not the end.
Our current bereavement group is now finishing, but we will offer more groups in future. It’s one small way of reminding people that they don't have to carry their grief alone.
HOLY TRINITY CHURCH, West Street, Fareham, PO16 0EL