From Dwile Flonking to Tussie Mussies: Penny Mordaunt's love letter to Portsmouth makes sense of ancient traditions
Have you ever dabbled in Dwile Flonking or felt a fancy for the Filly Loo? Would you take a Tussie Mussie if it was handed to you? Or would you be better off Bolving or launching into the Loony Dook?
For those who are finding it hard to fathom out any of the above then you could do with a dip into Pomp and Circumstance, the latest book by former Portsmouth North MP and Cabinet Minister Dame Penny Mordaunt - which she describes as a ‘love letter’ to the city she represented for 14 years.
For me, this entertaining and educational romp through the many traditions being kept alive across Britain has changed my views on why such outdated wackiness is important in the uncertain modern world we live in.
When it comes to pomp, Dame Penny would be hard to beat following her scene-stealing role carrying the Sword of State and presenting the Jewelled Sword of Offering to King Charles at his coronation.
It was while carrying out this duty as Lord President of the Council, along with the knowledge gained as MP for the ‘incredibly stoic and amazing city’ of Portsmouth, that made her want to explore the values and traditions which underpin British life and celebrate why they matter now more than ever.
Since 2000, we have lived through 9/11, the banking crisis, Brexit, Covid, the death of Queen Elizabeth II, five PMs in six years, war in Europe, the cost-of-living crisis, technical change, uncensored social media, polarisation and the return to power of President Trump.
But in times of great upheaval, rather than traditions becoming anachronistic to modern life, the book - co-authored by Chris Lewis - argues that it is the opposite: they provide stability, reinforce identity and foster resilience. And at a more basic level they simply make us laugh, eat and drink with our community. ‘British traditions are habits that remind us who we are and what's important to us. The more unstable the times, the more they grow in importance. It sounds illogical to say that ancient traditions prepare us for the future, but they do. They provide us with a strong sense of continuity, stability and identity.’
The first half of the book examines areas of traditional British culture - including the monarchy, Parliament, the law, sport and local traditions, as well as values such as sacrifice, courage and remembrance - to show how a country often thought of as old-fashioned actually uses its historical conventions to navigate the future.
It then takes us through a seasonal and entertaining romp with a ‘calendar of our customs’ - detailing the hundreds of strange traditions being kept alive around Britain. The book contains QR codes which bring much of the weird and wonderful to life. For the uninitiated: Dwile Flonking is a ‘ridiculously complicated’ drinking game; the Filly Loo marks the longest day of the year; Tussie Mussies are posies of flowers; Bolving involves mimicking the sounds made by rutting deer stags; and the Loony Dook is a New Year’s Day dip in the Firth of Forth near Edinburgh.
There appears to be an affinity for throwing things - from custard pies, black puddings, buns, beer and eels (thankfully now toy ones) - racing everything from wheelie bins to lawn mowers along with toe, thumb and gravy wrestling. Alcohol and pubs are also a recurring theme…
Dame Penny ends the book by saying that she has always loved her country. ‘I must confess that researching these traditions and customs has changed that view. Now, I love it even more.’
Pomp and Circumstance: Why Britain's Traditions Matter by Dame Penny Mordaunt and Chris Lewis is published by Biteback Publishing.