'My mum begged me to put her out of her misery': Traumatised Fareham woman explains why she is backing assisted dying bill

A woman whose dying mother begged her to "put me out of my misery" is supporting the assisted dying bill - as she is still haunted by the memory two decades on.

Caroline Hearsey, 53, was 29 when she watched her mother, Joan, 67, die of oesophageal cancer - within six weeks of her diagnosis - in November 2002.

The symptoms had originally been put down to indigestion by doctors and Joan deteriorated rapidly.

When Joan became weak and her veins started to collapse before she started chemo, Joan made the decision that she didn't want any more treatment after she'd already had a stent put in.

Joan ended up unable to eat or drink, she became constipated, and in huge amounts of discomfort from indigestion caused by the stent.

She began asking friends and family: “Please, could you just bring a magic wand and put me out of my misery?” - words Caroline is still haunted by 24 years later.

Caroline is supporting the assisted dying bill for others going through similar to what Joan did - as she says the bill will offer others "that magic wand" which Joan never got.

Caroline, a marriage registrar, from Fareham said: "It was crushing to see this strong, stoic woman suffer so much at the end of her life. Begging us to do something to end her suffering. I wish to this day I could have helped her.

"My lasting memories of my beautiful mum, are of her wasting away in absolute fear and horror, begging for her suffering to end. If I could help give people the option of having that magic wand, what a legacy that would be for Mum all these years later."

Caroline saw Joan become “more and more unwell” and increasingly dehydrated because she was struggling to swallow as the cancer took hold. Joan was fitted with a stent, which she found intolerably uncomfortable, and a nurse later tried to insert a PICC line for chemotherapy, but by then Joan was too ill, very weak, and her veins were starting to collapse.

Joan made the decision that she did not want treatment; she told those around her: "leave it now" and Joan spent the last weeks of her life at home, cared for by her family.

Although Joan was in constant pain, Caroline says the worst thing for her mother was the unbearable discomfort and lack of control.

Caroline said: "There was nothing that could help alleviate mum's symptoms, and we felt utterly helpless. She was in immense pain. It was horrendous and really degrading for her.”

As her ability to swallow at all ceased, she lost any option to take matters into her own hands and was left powerless, feeling locked in a world of torment with no escape - culminating in Joan begging people to "put me out of my misery".

During the last few days, Joan lost consciousness and any ability to communicate.

Caroline said: "She had no way of expressing it, but something awful was happening, because the noises she made were horrific. I will never forget it. It was harrowing. To be trapped, as my mum was, I would not wish on anyone. I desperately don’t want my family to see me like that in my dying days.

"Joan was stoic and strong, free-spirited and open-minded. She was brave and beautiful."

The family had always shared frank and open discussions around assisted dying, and it was absolutely clear that if there had been the choice, Joan would have opted for a calm, controlled and peaceful death, where she had agency over her own body when things became unbearable.

Now Caroline is advocating for the bill to be passed to give others the hope that Joan never had.

Caroline said: "If I knew I had a life-limiting condition but also had the option to safely and calmly end my life with my loved ones present, ending that nightmare, I believe the remainder of my life could be lived peacefully and without fear.

"We are not changing outcomes, simply allowing a kinder and gentler journey to that inevitable end."

Dave Sowry, chair of My Death, My Decision, said: “Caroline lost her mum more than 20 years ago and still lives with the trauma of what she witnessed. She is now campaigning so other families might be spared that suffering. MPs have the chance on Friday to change the law and help prevent others from enduring the same ordeal. They need to show up and take it.”