'My children were in tears when their mum was gone, now I'm going on a Royal Navy op with HMS Prince of Wales'
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Warrant Officer More remembers grasping for words when his children asked when mum would be coming home
The deployment of HMS Prince of Wales creates a “challenging” and emotional environment for Royal Navy children - something which the More family in Portchester know all too well.
Warrant Officer 1 Simon More is among the flagship’s more than 900-strong ship’s company, currently embarking on sea trials ahead of a Operation Firecrest, a UK Carrier Strike Group mission in the North Atlantic and Arctic. He leaves behind three children at home, 11-year-old Sienna, as well as Cameron, seven, and Kai, three.
Simon’s partner, Chief Petty Officer Katie More, will be solo parenting throughout this testing period. “The children are obviously sad,” WO1 More told The News. “My wife is taking the load. The eldest is slightly cognizant of that, but with the two boys who are slightly younger, they don’t understand it.
“They’ll be moving into a different school year, and that’ll be hard not being there towards the end of term. They understand though that dad has to go and work.”
Breaking routines
Life for military children is one of constant change and reaction to circumstances. Whether it’s constantly moving and changing schools, or dealing with length period of time while one or both of their parents are away,
As the More family are duel-serving parents, only one of them can legally be deployed at a time while the other juggles home life and their full-time career. When asked if frequent changes of environment affected the children, WO1 More added: “It impacted Sienna a lot.
“When I was lower down the food chain, I was away a significant amount while she grew up. Certainly Cameron as well a little bit. Single parenting has been challenging. I’ve been with my youngest Kai since he was born. He’s quite attached to me, so that presents challenges.”
The potential difficulties don’t magically disappear when any operation is over. “Katie would have a routine with the children, and when you come back, you interrupt it,” WO1 More said. “You’ve got to fit back in and it can be challenging.
“With dual serving couples, Katie finds it slightly easier. She understands the language when we can’t speak, and the possible reasons why. Other couples, where one of them serves, they don’t have that lived experience to fall back on. That doesn’t make parenting any easier though, with one at nursery, two at school, and a full-time job in the navy.
“That’s challenging, but she’s certainly better than when I was with the children and she was away. It was more difficult than actually being away on a ship, where all you’ve got to worry about is yourself and your own job.”
Tears and uncertainty
The most difficult period for the family was when CPO More was deployed at the start of the Russia-Ukraine war in 2022. This was because while serving on a destroyer there was no return date for when she would come home.
WO1 More has a sweetie jar and the kids get a treat everyday counting down when their mum or dad returns, but this couldn’t be used during that operation. It’s often the case where the parents have to withhold possible information from the children if it isn’t 100 per cent confirmed.
“I’m having dinner and sitting helping the children with homework, and they’re asking ‘when’s mum home’? I didn’t have an answer for them. It’s really difficult to deal with children when you haven’t got an answer for them, and they keep asking the same thing. It’s upsetting and part of the uncertainty of military life.”
He added: “They were in tears quite a lot. There was good support for Sienna at school, but she found it hard going. She became a bit quieter and didn’t want to do things with just dad. She wanted mum and both of us together. Even small things. I was reading them a bedtime story and giving them a cuddle and they said they wanted mum. I couldn’t give them that.
“You’ll tell the children you’ll be home then, but something changes and you're not there. They’ve built their hopes up and told people they’ll be there, but have to go back to them and say they’re not. That’s often more difficult than telling them nothing.”
WO1 More understands the pressures on military children more than most, as he’s a trustee for Little Troopers. The organisation supports the families of regular and reserve personnel, helping their offspring handle the difficulties of military life.
Organised events include reconnection weekends, where parents and children are brought together after being separated. This can include water sports and other activities. They celebrated April, the month of military children, at HMS Temeraire in Portsmouth, earlier this month. Weekly sessions by the charity are organised at Castle Primary School in Castle Street where the More family’s children go to school, but this isn’t the case everywhere.
WO1 More said the family’s current school couldn’t be more understanding of the forces background, but other personnel run into problems.
“We went to see two schools for Sienna and I asked what support they did for military children, and one of them said nothing,” he added.
“The other had a military children’s board and showed me what they’re doing with the support money they get. It depends on the school. The reality of service life is unpredictable. You may not be home during school holidays. Castle supports us with holidays when mum and dad are home inside term time, while some are not and the parents get fined.
“Whether it’s one military child in a school, or 20, they should facilitate support, like they would for any other child in challenging circumstances whether it's SEND, disabilities, or single parents.”