"I spent so long worrying why my Royal Marine dad wasn't there - now I support people on Tiktok"

Lily-su Shelley, 17, started sharing her experiences on the platform to raise awareness about the issue and highlight the work of charities. The Waterlooville native knows all too well the challenges young people face when their loved ones are on deployment.

Her dad, Lance Corporal Ryan Shelley, served in the Royal Marines between 2002 and 2014, being deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. “When he came back, it was very PTSD heavy,” Lily told The News. “My parents were navigating a lot. I was diagnosed with separation anxiety.

“It was quite a wild journey. I was six when he left for Afghanistan. I’m 17 now, but it still has such an impact on me and a big part of who I am. I always say to people ‘who your parents are determines how you are raised’, and how you are raised determines who you are and who you’ll become as an adult’.”

L/Cpl Shelley was part of 40 Commando Charlie Company, where he was commended for his service with a George medal. Lily said her dad’s last tour was rough on him since several of his friends died in the conflict. She added that her memories are fuzzy as she was so young, but she remember being angry and anxious while her father wasn’t at home.

Her mum was found out she was pregnant while L/Cpl Shelley was on deployment. “I was with mum for the duration of his Afghanistan deployment,” she added. “That’s the only big one we had. She was working fulltime while pregnant. I spent a lot of time with my grandma. When he came back, he named my brother Charlie after his company because they lost so many people.

Liliy said the worst feeling was not knowing about her dad and if he was safe. “The separation was difficult,” she added. “The hardest part was seeing mum go through pregnancy, being upset, and not fully knowing why my dad wasn’t there.”

L/Cpl Shelley used his medic background to join the ambulance service after leaving his military career, something which exacerbated his mental health problems. He reached out to Combat Stress, a mental health charity for veterans, and his condition slowly improved. Lily said his condition shifted the family dynamic, and she struggled while at school.

She added that without the support of Annalise Campbell at Langstone Junior School, her anxiety would have worsened. “Death has always been a big trigger for me and it sends me back to those times where I felt completely alone and didn't know what was going on,” she said.

Despite the challenges, Lily said she’s proud of her military roots which have given her incredible memories that she would cherish forever. She remembers her magical pony-themed fourth birthday when the family lived at RM Poole, where neighbourhood children rode horses.

Lily said it was challenging moving back to Portsmouth and attending a new school, where “nobody” had a clue what she and her family were experiencing. The former Royal Marines cadet added that many young people from armed forces households are very good at masking their emotions, appearing nonchalant while deeply suffering on the inside.

Lily attended the Carrier Strike Group homecoming where families and children were crying tears of joy when they were reunited with their loved ones. “The size of the crowds were incredible. It made me think about what I went through,” she added. “I know that the only thing that got many people through the deployment was that sense of community.

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“I felt like I was transported back to the joy, pride, and sense of relief I went through when dad came home. It’s such a weight off your shoulders. Eight months is a very long time. If you have young children, it’s a lot to miss out on. I don’t necessarily remember the things my dad missed out on, as I was so young, but I look back on those memories and say ‘oh, where’s dad’?”

Lily’s campaigning is garnering a following and she’s taking opportunities as a result. She is going to be a member of the youth council at the Navy Children’s Charity, and will be part of an initiative to restore the Royal Marine Yomper by Eastney barracks - somewhere she would go to think of her dad while he was on operations.

“If I can make a difference to one person and make them feel seen or heard, I know I would have meant the world to me at the time,” she said. “That’s all I care about, bringing awareness and getting the message out there. Some people don’t understand how hard that is and how it affects your wider family, and can be a bit nasty about it. If I can raise awareness about it, they might understand and be less hard on military kids.”

You can follow Lily’s campaigning here.