Columnist Alun Newman's lost the plot, but maybe allotment life holds the key

Welcome to the world of allotments.

I’ve been hanging around one recently, now that spring has sprung…ish, recording some fun pieces for my radio show (weekdays between 2–6pm).

It wasn’t so long ago that I made it to the top of our local waiting list and was invited down for vetting.

I passed all the questions (just in case you ever get the chance, the answers are: marrow, egg Shells, chrysanthemum and climate change).

However, the plot I was offered was quite large. I was keen, really keen, but I was also aware that I’m Britain’s worst gardener and you have to have done ‘something’ with the plot within the first six weeks, so I bailed - It was too much and I panicked.

I’m no Percy Thrower.

What I did discover at the allotment site, though, was a collection of the most interesting characters.

If you want to make friends, grow food, or keep yourself to yourself, it’s all accepted at the allotment.

I met a retired secondary school teacher who had a beautifully thought-through plot, complete with a tiny shed and greenhouse. Seedlings were already punching through the soil and gearing up for planting. The owner was relaxed, funny, and planning to grow about 20 different types of veg.

Another was a lovely lady with enough enthusiasm for a small village. She’d just finished her beekeeping qualification and was preparing for the arrival of her hives.

Another owner was getting ready to grow wildflowers for no other reason than it would make their favourite place to sit even more beautiful.

The allotment is an incubator of hope. It’s a community of passion that you rarely see so tightly knitted together.

My favourite interview was with an Australian, now a full-time Brit. By day he works in management for the NHS. In his free time he has a Grand Plan. I noticed that on this small site, probably about eight metres wide by 25 metres long, this allotment holder was installing a rather posh underground irrigation system, along with a complex arrangement of wires and poles.

So I asked about the Great Plan. “Sparkling wine, mate,” he said (please add a mild Aussie accent). “With the climate changing I’m growing a vine of Pinot, a Meunier, and a vine of Chardonnay.”

Of all the things I expected from my allotment visit, I wasn’t expecting that. On this relatively small plot, someone is thinking big. I was invited to return for a tasting - a skill I do possess.

The greatest things about an allotment? The people. Watching the seasons change around you. It's life in a slower form. You can say you’re popping down to the allotment for an hour in the morning and before you know it the clock is showing 4pm.

I will go back on the waiting list - I can feel this life calling me from a distance.